Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Away Mon Away

Well, I survived the weekend away!.  The drive was nice, A1 pretty much all the way, a stop off at Wetherby and then onwards and upwards to Consett.

Our friends were pleased to see us and made us most welcome.  On the Saturday we went through what can only be described as "Stunning" scenery, through tiny picturesque villages with houses made of stone to the Metro Centre and had a good look round, finishing off with a meal at a buffet chinese restaurant which was fabulous.

On the Sunday we left Consett behind and travelled across quite possibly in my opinion the most beautiful scenery England has to offer to visit Matt's brother and his family.  The wild moors were changing from green to brown with Autumn touch, sheep and cows were in the road and roaming free giving us looks of disgust as we tooted them.  I felt somehow we were infringing on their land. 

Seriously though, if I could have, I would have gotten out the car at one point and run around for "Heathcliff" instead I was in a car with Matt and our 3 darling children. 

Matts brother and his family welcomed us warmly and the village where they live in  is again truly amazing.  Unspoilt and beautiful.  Their cottage is warm and cosy, and our two nieces were sweet and funny.  I now realise that if we could move anywhere in the country and had the means and obviously Matt's employment prospects, we would move North to Cumbria or Durham.

It was a good weekend, not as bad as I thought it was going to be, the trip home was all worth it with the hour and half detour across the moors to get to Scotch Corner, past Barnard Castle.  Some of the villages we went through were just stunning and I hope that the residents realise how lucky they are.

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Hide and Seek

I am just taking advantage of 5 mins before my darling teen walks in from the school run and all mayhem breaks loose.  I have a busy evening as I need to bath 3 kids, get dinner cooked and dished up and all before 5.15pm when I need to leave for parents evening!

The funny thing about trying to hide from certain things that are going on in your life is that sooner or later it will bite you on the bum on the day you are not expecting it.

Unfortunately this is whats happening at the moment to me, and I am finding it really tough not to give in to my usual impulse, run upstairs put on my nightie and jump into bed pulling the covers over my head and just sleep until everything has settled down.  I realise this because I am yawning so much and feel so incredibly tired....I guess having the therapy last year for depression and anxiety attacks has made me realise the symptoms in enough time to try and figure out how to deal with it.

I am lucky this time in that I have a great network of support from exeedingly good friends and on the rare occaisions he will let me talk and not talk over me, my husband.  My mother in law is a fountain of knowledge and good sense. 

This weekend my family except for Tony the Teen, are heading up North to visit friends in Durham and then on the way back home we are calling in to visit Matts brother and his wife and children, and introduce them to Edward.

Part of my rising panic is the travelling.  I dont mind travelling usually, but long distances with Matt and the kids, well Id rather go and have a brazilian.  I find it really draining and very very hard work.  I have tried on other long journies to be practical and well prepared, but all that goes the opposite way of my boobs as soon as we leave our driveway.  Like Chris Rea sings, "this is the road to hell". 

Ooops spoke too soon, here's the mob.

To be contd..............

TTFN  Kooks xxxxxxxxxx

Saturday, 16 October 2010

Big One is Back!

Strange title I know, but it's true.  My big computer is back online whoooop!  I have been using my husband's netbook that he won a year ago, and it is really awful to use when there is a lot to type.  Its ok for fb and a short email etc.....but pants at blogging or writing.

Had a bit of a teary day yesterday.  Amy and Adam had their school photos home.  I never realised how grown up Amy looked until I saw her in that photo, I know she isnt even 5 yet but she looked very much like my oldest niece and her hair is like my mother's.  I even saw a bit of my eldest child in her strangely enough.  As for Adam, well you can tell they are definately brother and sister, he has that cheeky grin from my side, and at 8 he is starting look if not acting grown up!  Spud had his taken last week, so when they come through I'm kinda dreading it, but will put them up on the wall in frames!

Not sure if I will ever get the hang of blooging (blogging even).  I could say the same thing about this weight watchers plan im on.  However I really cant give up.....so any kicks up the tushy would be appreciated.

Ok back to the madness of today.


Kooks xxxxxxx

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Welcome to the house of fun!!!!

It's 7.34am and in the last hour or so that I have been up, I have come very close to an anxiety attack!

I know this is only my 3rd blog, but doing this when the cursor is working well seems to have a theraputic effect for some reason.

Matt left work at 5.20am this morning.  We'd had Spud in our bed most of the night right in the middle of us and on top of the duvet so that half the covers were off us and so it has been a bit "Parky".  Just as Id finally drifted off after being a whiskery kiss by Matt, I was screamed at to make breakfast by my darling 4 year old daughter who finds it fun recently to scream at me and not only wake me up but her brother who was happily snoring next to me.  So after telling her in no uncertain terms to "Buy One Get One Free", several times, she eventually went downstairs and waited while I got dressed and made the beds.

Well, theyve all had their breakfasts, apart from me.  What really bugs me about the mornings lately is that whatever Amy has, Adam has to have and if he doesnt get it, he makes me feel damn guilty for not giving it to him.  Its his immaturity over this sort of stuff which just pushes so many blasted buttons on me........whats  next, becausemy is wearing a tutu or has sanitary towels at 13 he wants them????  to be honest it wouldnt surprise me.
Anyway back to the almost anxiety attack......  Im upstairs, looking for a pair of trousers that feels comfortable, when all I can hear is MUUUUUUUUUUM!!!  I WANT!, CAN I HAVE etc for heavens sake I cant even clean my teeth without hell breaking loose!

Ok Ill admit that this is a normal sort of morning here, and that round the country there are a lot of other mothers that are having a worse morning . So I shall quit complaining, go and have some belvita breakfast biccies, give my darling dna a hug, smile at Spud dancing to the autumn song, and just get on with things.  Im just grateful that they are here safe and sound. 

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

At The End of the Day

At the end of the day my son is snoring on the couch wrapped in the blanket I made,
At the end of the day my husband is tapping
There's a calm about the house,
I can hear my teen talking downstairs on his x-box
Adam and Amy are upstairs in their own land of dreams
Merlin is asleep on our bed curled up in his little ball purring and occasionally twitching,
My children are safe and loved, I am safe and loved
At the end of the day in my home, all is good

Until tomorrow and the madness starts all over again!

Being Me!

It's not easy being me at the best of times.  I'm too open and honest which gets me into a lot of trouble, and as my friend Maria described me, the three methods of communication are "Telephone, Telegram and Telamanda!", however I would like to point out that I can actually keep some things quiet such as.......HAH! GOT YOU THERE!!!!!

I'm a "larger" lady and currently following the weight watchers plan and to be honest not doing too well. I'm finding it really tough and at the moment just want to stick my  head in a HUGE GOOEY quiche! Darling Hubby is doing brilliantly and I am so proud of him, if a little jealous.   I have a full life, married to Matt, and we have 3 children, Adam 8, Amy 4 and Edward (Spud 20 months).  We also have my 16yr old son Tony from my 1st marriage living here and an insane cat called Merlin (Goobers!). 

On the whole life is pretty good, I have a great relationship with my inlaws, and for the first time have a really nice home, we have a car and I have a fantastic group of friends who are loyal, downright pretty and are very good for me!  So why do I constantly worry about things??????  Perhaps  boredom is the key.  My mind needs stimulating I think, perhaps my fingers need to stay away from the fridge and onto other things.

I have been in therapy for panick attacks and worrying, and so far cross fingers I have had very few attacks, however I do have times of deep depression when my "Hippochondria" goes into overdrive and I check everywhere.

So there you go, being me is hard work, sometimes I wish I could be myself and not have to be a different person or hold back with how I feel and have to put emotions on hold so as not to offend anyone. One day, one day I say with a sigh.

Never Blogged before, so WAKE UP!!!!

Kooks xxxxxxxxxxxxx