Yesterday for the first time in what can be nearly a decade I had a LONG lunch with some really lovely women. No kids, just women, wine, pasta and tiramisu and lots of sex talk!
It really was a total "corker" of a day, Im not sure if I was overfriendly or overchatty, but for the first time in ages I had no pain in my jaw, no indigestion nothing, I felt fairly relaxed with great food, great people and I felt for the first time that Id met out of complete strangers some friends. Just to be able to eat a meal without stopping halfway through to change a nappy, or perhaps go to the toilet without someone screaming at me or climbing all over me made such a difference.
The only blip in the day came at the end as four of us were travelling home. It was rush hour, and Oxford Circus was total MANIC. If anyone reading this who knows me is probably aware that me and crowds do NOT mix. The strange thing was that 2 decades ago I used to make the trip from Regent Street to Charing Cross via bus without a problem, and then when I'd changed jobs from Covent Garden to Charing Cross. I walked, ok so I have a bit of a problem with the Underground in rush hour.
Anyway back to the "blip" we were piling down the stairs onto the underground, I was pushed, shoved, smacked in the shoulder and arms a few times by commuters and I was trying to walk slowly to stay with Doris, Heather and Suki, by the time we got to Kings Cross I was starting to feel decidedly ill, and walking from the underground to the St Pancras I was assaulted by smells from my past, and the heat from it all, jostled and a couple of times felt queasy. I wasnt sure if it was the wine, but as Id eaten quite a bit I didnt feel drunk. Then the worst thing of all happened. That horrible, horrible feeling of knowing you are going to be ill and there are no toilets anywhere near. Luckily Suki noticed what was going on and we found a toilet. Five mins nothing but the cramps were still there. We tried to get on the train but the tickets we had purchased didnt let us on till after 6.30. So my darling friend had a great idea of going to the Champagne bar. So off we went to the Champagne bar. Doris, Heather and Suki had these really gorgeous cocktails with elderflower, lychee and champagne (my favourite of all drinks) and I sat there with the tail end of an anxiety attack tears flowing down my face, worried that if id had some I would feel worse.
We finally made it onto the train and after availing myself of the facilities there I felt so much better. Matt had been worried as we hadnt been in touch and when he met us at the station I pretty much flew into his arms so glad to be home and safe.
I realised last night that London although a wonderful wonderful place, really isnt the place for me. It is too busy, crowded and from watching people being busy and getting on with their lives made me realise that I love my home, my manic family and I am indeed a lucky lucky woman. I was able for one day to be me and have a taste of what life could hold for me in the future.
The one thing I will definately try and avoid from now is rush hour!